If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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