The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
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