Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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