ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
If I die, sorry about rent.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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