Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Randomize
