I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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