Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize