oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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