Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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