I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize