Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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