I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I could fuck to npr.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
