I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
