I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
