Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
