Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
