you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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