I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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