Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
