Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
