Christians are straight up FREAKS
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
