Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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