4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
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