My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
well I can't set my house on fire every night
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Randomize
