before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
