Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
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