I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
