the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
