when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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