The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize