Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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