Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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