Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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