I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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