why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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