WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
