Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
