I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
She just used a chaser for red wine.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
