i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Randomize
