i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Randomize
