I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
