Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
