i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize