she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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