i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
