is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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