as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Randomize
