ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
