You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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