we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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