Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
