You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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