her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Randomize
