Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
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