How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
you had me at cake vodka
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
