So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Where are you?
In a non slutty way
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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