OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
