so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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