he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
