gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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