wat bout pragnant strippers??
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Randomize
