Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
