The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
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