i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
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