You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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