to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
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