I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
