so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
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