haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I am in a vortex of obligation.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
