Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Then you guys just all showered together...?
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
