apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Say something about gay babies.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize