no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
