Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
