you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
