i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
