Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
how drunk are you?
Several
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
