there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Randomize
