So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize