Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
