ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
two words: eviction party
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
