she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
You know, be my cock's hype man.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
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