I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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