i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Randomize
