I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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