she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
