We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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