we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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