i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
we should paint friendship bongs
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