Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
