come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
