If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
