My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
