When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
high people should be assigned attendants
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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