I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
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