I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
tell your sister to shave her snatch
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
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