I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
And then my night got REAL pukey
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
