Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
