Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
