Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
